My Valentine

Happy somewhat-belated Valentine's Day. Naturally, this post is dedicated to my Valentine, my boyfriend. :)

***


Memories With You;
Playing catch at the beach, you tickling me, piggy back rides, late nights, early mornings, singing together, driving fast, our every-night routine of taking turns getting ready for bed, wrestling, always sneaking off and leaving parties early because we'd both rather just be hanging out at home with one another, secrets, my new found love for cheese pizza rolls, all the time spent doing absolutely nothing and enjoying every single minute of it, sitting out on the back deck --the sun upon our faces, the warmth on our skin-- and talking endlessly about everything that never mattered and nothing that ever would, laughing at how goofy your dad is, The Price Is Right every morning with your mom, sneaking in late at night with your dad asleep on the couch... we were drunk (and not so sneaky, I'm sure) but he never woke up --even after I dropped (and shattered) a beer bottle on your basement floor-- and you couldn't be mad at me even if you wanted to, because I felt so genuinely bad about the mess I had made, mac and cheese, always arguing over listening to my ipod in your car (because you hated the music that was on it) --and always getting my way, regardless :) playing the "housewife" making us food AND cleaning the dishes afterwards, you always waiting at the bottom of the basement stairs to scare me, and me actually getting scared --every single time-- even though I always knew you'd be there, "I love you" "I love you more," walking by the river every time we had nothing better to do, arguing about incredibly stupid things --but only until I would break down and cry and apologize until I felt you truly forgave me for flipping out in the first place. You've always been so understanding. Country music, the big teal truck, summer-time, car rides, fourth of July, CSI, magical apple juice, my very first PB&J (and many more), hacienda, JBC's, movies, future plans, ruby, home videos, your childhood toys, baby pictures, back massages till I fell asleep and being awaken with a kiss on the cheek every single time. "Eggs and cheese eggs and cheese, Ryan likes eggs and cheese," Little Buddy Morgan, hopping around your basement on furniture for days because you told me mice couldn't climb --and then later finding out that you lied-- long comments on myspace when we first met, the Mexican and the Russian, the very first time you said "I love you", the morning I realized i loved you... the same morning I realized you loved me too.

As my absolute best friend in this world, you've never let me down. We have fun together, we laugh together, and we play together. You're the best boyfriend a girl could ask for and I love you so very, very much! I know I've said the following before, but it's the best way I've ever been able to sum up exactly what you mean to me. You're so understanding and supportive in everything I do and say. Being with you means never standing alone, because I know that you'll always be standing right there next to me. Even if you can't always be here, I know you'll always be there for me. Six months ago, I would've considered the Navy an inconvenience to our relationship, but the distance and time apart has shown me just how far some one's love can reach and that, in itself, is a miracle. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder, and I am so appreciative of this! We may be separated by duty for now but we're forever united by love, among many other things, and I know that our love is more important than the space between us.


I love you and I'll be seeing you soon.
xoxo

Learning To Cut Old Ties

Cutting old ties, letting go, and moving on is so much harder to do than tying up loose ends and making amends. How do you bring yourself to let go of someone that once played such a big role in you life? On the other hand, how do you find it in yourself to make amends with that someone who unfortunately let you down?

I guess what it all inevitably comes down to is self-worth: Where is your confidence? Your independence? Your self-respect? Are you really aware of yourself, what you're capable of, and what you're worth?

Actually think about whatever it is that's preventing you from giving this person the boot. Now ask yourself this: "Do the pros outweigh the cons, or do I really just feel lost without them around?" If that's the case, then you are holding on for all the wrong reasons.

It is unhealthy keeping certain people in your life strictly because it's "normal" or what you are used to. Just like the Light Switch Romance: When someone is spending more time bringing you down and upsetting you, than they are lifting you up and raising your spirit, then they're simply not worth your time. You just have to have enough self-respect to stand up for yourself and handle the situation correctly. You, and only you, can cut the ties, let go, and move on.

Light Switch Romance

Together one week, apart the next; On, off, on, off, etc. We've all seen them, we all know the type: The couples who have more problems with each other than they have love for one another, the ones that argue more than they play, the ones that seemingly forget the reason they became committed to each other in the first place. They spend the entire existence of their relationship on a roller coaster and it's not the kind I'd consider fun. No, it's not the up, down, up, down, and an occasional thrilling loop. It's the kind that goes up the steepest hill as slow as you could ever possibly imagine, drops you straight down, whips you through one or two quick loops, and then it's over. (Doesn't sound like much fun to me, anyway.) So why do so many people get off, get back in line, and ride it over and over again?

Note to the "Light Switch Romancers" out there:
If you feel as though you are constantly trying so unbearably hard just to make the relationship even exist, shouldn't that tell you a little something? --That maybe, just maybe, it isn't mean to be? If you are fighting more than you are having fun, then why are you holding on so tight? Haven't you ever heard of the word fate?


All the love I've met, I have no regrets.
If it all ends now, I'm set.
-- "Rooftops" The Lost Prophets

The Buried Life

"To every person in the world that doesn't have a pair of shoes- I wanna put a pair of shoes on them. Why? Because I wanna be the soul of America."

Watching the season premiere of MTV's The Buried Life didn't exactly inspire me, seeing as I've already made a list of 100 things I wanted to do before I die. (Which later turned into a list of 250 things I wanted to do before I die.) It did, however, encourage me to go back and re-read that list. I've now completed 88 of the 250 things I originally listed in July of 2007, but I've decided to recap on that list. Many of the things I listed were humorous, others were slightly immature, and some were just a little too extreme. My new list is much more reserved: much, much, much shorter, and definitely a lot more simple. Original, if you must.

The most important things on my new list of
Things To Do Before I die:
- Have an amazing, magical proposal.
Who doesn't want their proposal to me amazing and magical? My future marriage is bound to be one of the biggest blessings in my lifetime, and I am ever-so-patiently awaiting the day of my proposal. It will be epic.
- Look into my child's eyes, see myself, and smile.
Kids are one of my truest passions in life and I can not stress this enough. I see family as such a beautiful thing: The purest, truest form of love, and I absolutely can not wait to have a family of my own.
-Learn to disagree without being disagreeable.
I want to continue to argue my points. I want to stand up for myself and what I believe in, but I want to do-so in a more genuine manner. I'd like to be admired for my persistance and my stronghold, while being open to others' opinions and understanding all at the same time.

I still want to accomplish most of the things on my original list from 2007. The things mentioned above are just the ones that meant the most to me.

Have a list of things you want to do before you die?
I'd really enjoy hearing about others' lists, and what ranks highest in importance on their list as well.

Dealing With An Addiction

Step 1 of the famous "12 Steps":
- We admit that we are powerless over our addiction, that our lives have become unmanageable.

I am a Fast-Food Junkie, and it has gotten a little out of control.

I am sure that many people would find this statement to be humorous, and I must admit, that is exactly what I was going for. However, I am, unfortunately, being partially serious.

I was first introduced to Fast-Food a very long time ago: As a young child, my parents would swing through the McDonald's Drive-Thru whenever we were on the go and didn't have time eat, or whenever they simply just didn't feel like making dinner that evening. Somewhere between then and now, Fast-Food has undeniably worked it's way to becoming a staple in my everyday life. I've tried to ignore this, and I've also tried to stop visiting them so often but sadly, McDonald's has basically become a weekly meal provider for me. I don't know why I love Fast-Food so much, and I am very unsure of the reasoning that it is so hard for me to stop eating Fast-Food.

I often make impossible promises to myself, knowing fully-well that they will soon be broken. I say that I am going to be healthier. That I will eat healthier; have Fast-Food only as a seldom treat. But then when it comes down to meal time, I am so quick to take that back. I say to myself "I will stop eating Fast-Food tomorrow, next week, etc." "I will be healthier when I actually have more time too cook for myself."

Though I know that I am not actually addicted to Fast-Food and that it is not impossible for me to stop eating it, I still find it unbelievably hard to actually do something about it. I guess I seriously lack self-discipline when it comes to my eating habits, and I am finally deciding to take action. I'm putting my foot down, per say, and I'm kicking this nasty habit to the curb! Goodbye greasy, unhealthy burgers, chicken nuggets, and fries. Goodbye outrageous amounts of calories. Goodbye Fast-Food! I'm jumping back on the Health bandwagon --starting today!

Who's with me!?

Sunday, January 17, UPDATE:
Did I say today --as in Thursday-- before? I guess I meant to say "Starting Monday!" Oops!

Questioning The Term "Normal"

I'm beginning to believe that anything that has ever changed will make you miss the past, if only you think about it long enough.

***
Often times I find myself longing for feelings that I once felt, yearning for things that I once had, and feeling as though I need people that I once knew. I find myself deeply missing a life I once lived; Many lives I once lived. It isn't that I'm not happy at the time being --I am. I am completely content with the life that I currently live. You see, I don't only desire the good things about my past, I desire the bad things as well. The bad feelings, the hard times, just about anything that I have ever experienced. Actually, it's everything: I miss everything. Everything that I have ever loved, and everything I have ever lost. Everything that I have ever owned, everything that has ever made up any little part of "me."

It's a strange feeling, having such a strong desire for things that are now of little importance to me, and having no logical explanation of why I miss them. (Considering how genuinely content and sincerely happy I am with my life as it is now.) Which brings me to my questions of topic:

*Is it simply human nature to yearn for the way things once were? Despite whatever that is, or, was?
*And if so, is it because everything in our past made up what we once considered "normal?"
*And what, exactly, is "normal" anyway? -The way things were? The way things are? Or the way things will be?

Is it just me or did life just become a whole lot more complex?

Workaholics Unite!

Whether it be the fact that it keeps me occupied, the feeling of being needed somewhere, the independence it brings, or the responsibility; working always leaves me satisfied. I guess I just love keeping busy and actually doing something every day, and I get paid while doing so!? What's not to love about making money? I absolutely can not wait to work every single day next week, and I am being completely sincere when I say this too! Am I crazy for feeling this way?

Does anyone enjoy work as much as I do?
If so, I'd love a comment from you. What do you do and why do you love working so much?


<*WARNING: RANT AHEAD*>PS- Shout out to all the girls that "work" (fold clothes) at Abercrombie & Fitch and all of a sudden think they are models. U ArE SoOoO cOoOL!<*/end rant*>

:)

Bob; Ham & Cheese Guy

I find I am constantly analyzing people. Not criticizing; not being cruel. Simply trying to figure them out. What's even more than that is I find myself thinking about a stranger for hours on end. It's an odd thing to do, I know, but I can't help it. People intrigue me, and thinking about what lies beneath their physical being leaves me curious. I'm always wanting to know more, and realizing that I might never know more about some of the strangers that I see makes me both happy and dissatisfied, all at the same time.

I enjoy creating my own characteristics for strangers, making up their daily schedules and jobs. Imagining all the different possibilities of pieces that could make up their lives entertains me. The fact that every person is different from one another, and their lives are made up of completely different things, leaves me utterly fascinated. At the same time, I find myself slightly disappointed when thinking about the fact that I will most-likely never know the truth about the strangers I ponder about for so long.

The Mystery of "Bob; Ham & Cheese Guy"
"Bob," "Steve," or "Ham and Cheese guy" is a regular customer at Mancino's. He comes in every Monday and orders the exact same thing: An 8" Ham & Cheese on white, or wheat bread (he says to surprise him,) with no tomato. When he first started coming in and I would ask for a name for his order, he consistently told me his name was Steve. Until one day, I asked and he responded with "it doesn't matter," so I said "alright, I'll call you Bob." To this day, he prefers to go by Bob every single time he orders.

He always seems to be in a hurry, and sometimes he even comes of as rude. Occasionally, he'll seem humorous, and rarely-to-never does he seem friendly. He's in and out in 10 minutes or less, and never makes small-talk. Nevertheless, he interests me. Every time he comes in, I'm left with thoughts of: "Who is this guy?" "What does he do?" "I wonder what he's like?" "Is he married?" "Does he have kids?" "Is he really as grumpy as he always seems, is he happy?" "Why is he so serious? Does he ever lighten up?" "Is he comical?" "Is he an extrovert undercover, or is he really as quiet as he comes off as?"

I'll probably never receive answers to most, if not any of the questions I have about "Bob," and I guess that's okay. There's nothing wrong with having a little mystery in your life, and I find people-watching my most favored mystery of all.


Sunday, Februrary 7, UPDATE:
"Bob; Ham & Cheese Guy" is no longer restricted to only coming in on Mondays and last night, believe it or not, he ordered a pizza! Our conversation was slightly longer than normal as well. I feel we're making some progress :)

Discovering Faith

Upon realizing my extremely ignorant (in the most literal sense of the word) views on God; I have decided I would really like to be closer to him. Though I know close-to-nothing about God, I would very much like to get to know him. I want to know what he's like and what he's all about.

I want something to believe in. Something deep, hopeful, strengthening. Someone to confide in and rely on no matter what; even when all else seems to fail, and someone to praise when it all goes rightfully as planned.

I want to be far more educated in religion than I currently am, and I am finally going to work towards that. I want to learn a better meaning of the things around me. I want to discover the truest forms of happiness, love, strength, and trust among many other emotions. I want to feel something more than I've felt. I'm just so beyond ready to learn anything and everything I can about God and having faith. Faith intrigues me and I want to experience faith in a deeper, more meaningful sense.

I have now made this my most essential resolution for the year 2010.

Feel free to share your thoughts on faith and religion, especially if you aren't against it. I love to hear good, inspirational, and motivational things! :)

A Lesson In Karma

*So, I just went outside to take a picture of all the snow; to post on my blog "15 Things I Hate About Winter," and proceeded to drop my camera in the snow. Do you think Mother Nature may be trying to teach me something about karma? Touche.


--New Year's Day in Michigan

15 Things I hate about winter:
- First and foremost; Snow
- Ice
- Being cold -All of the time
- The inconvenience of having to warm up my car before going somewhere
- As well as the inconvenience of having to clean off my car before going somewhere
- Driving slower; having to leave earlier
- Shorter days
- Eating more
- Less energy; working out less
- The disappearance of the sun
- Sleeping more
- Working less (because of road conditions/decrease in business)
- Mood swings; always being slightly less enthused about everything
- Holiday stress ($)
- EVERYTHING BEING WET

Welcoming 2010

In a matter of hours I will be gratefully saying goodbye to the year 2009, and welcoming 2010 with arms wide open. I'm not exactly sure of my reasoning just yet, but 2010 is going to be a good year. I can just feel it pulsing through my veins; I'm actually excited, and for no apparent reason at all. 2009 wasn't my best year and I guess I just have high hopes for the following.

2010 shall bring new beginnings, new experiences, new faces and places, among many other things. I'll be traveling more and dare I say, I'm sensing a big move in the late summer/early fall? I'll be going back to school and working towards becoming a better person all-around.

I haven't thought much on New Year's resolutions this year, but I suppose I'll just list off a few of mine:

- Actually try to do something productive with my writing.
- Jump back on the Health band-wagon (Eating healthier, Working out more)
- Make something of everyday; don't let any more time go to waste.
- Spend more time with family, because they're important to me and I'd like for them to know that!

What are your resolutions for 2010?

Evaluating "Time"

Time is such a bittersweet thing when you think about it. There's always too much or never enough of it. Is it ever really, fully satisfying?

When you're excited about something and absolutely cannot wait for the day of that event to arrive: time seemingly goes by so unbelievably slow. Yet, as soon as that day finally comes and you're nothing but loathing the idea of it ending: time makes sure to fly by as fast as can be. It's highly unfortunate that we don't always remember to appreciate the time while we actually have it, because we're always only waiting for something else to come along. It's irritating how you can wait days, weeks, even months for something to happen and have so much anticipation built up inside of you that you feel as if you could burst... but then as soon as it does finally happen, you find that you're enjoying yourself so much that you've forgotten how ecstatic you were to be doing whatever it is. You've forgotten how long you've waited to enjoy this moment, and then in the blink of an eye, it's gone.

To Every Hopeful Heartbroken Girl

Why is it that most conversations concerning "heartbroken" girls are normally so judgemental? People are always so mean and negative when referring to girls that are hung up on a break-up and this is really beginning to bother me lately. Just think for a minute; have you ever been in their position? If you've answered yes, then don't you remember what it's like? And if not, then who are you to judge them anyway?

Every heartbroken girl is not the same as one another. Some are immature, yes. Some are naive. Some actually seem to enjoy being depressed and undoubtedly love the attention it brings... but there are other kinds of heartbroken girls. The hopeful kind. The girls with self-respect. The ones that pick themselves up off the floor, and put all the pieces of their shattered hearts back together on their own. The girls that have the strength to continue on with their lives like nothing ever went wrong. The girls who know they deserve better, and yes, they definitely do. They don't deserve to be judged, picked apart, and thrown into a category for being heartbroken either. They deserve to be admired for their hopefulness. Their independence, and their strength; their ability to push through every day acting like everything is just fine, even when they really just want to break down and cry.

To every hopeful girl out there,
Those of you that are outwardly acting happy and unfathomed, but inwardly feeling broken and completely lost- I just want you to know that I admire you. I appreciate what you're doing and the way you're handling your situation. Even if I don't know you, it moves me. It really does. I've been there and I know what it takes. I know how hard you're working towards this, even if it seems to others as though your happiness comes with ease. Keep moving on, and things will get easier. In time<3

The Friend I Can't Wait to Meet

Dear future, new, perfect, unrealistic friend of mine,

I know you'll be just as wonderful as I'm suspecting you'll be. You'll act your age, rather than your shoe-size. I know you won't be an airhead because, well, then we just wouldn't be friends. We'll have so many things in common and I hope you enjoy deep, intellectual conversations just as much as I do. You'll agree with me about everything under the sun. We'll make such a great pair! We'll never argue and most-certainly never get irritated with each other. You won't waste my time venting to me about petty things, because we both know what's really important in life. We'll have the same hobbies and all the same interests. You'll love to shop almost as much as I do. We'll have all the same taste in everything, and we'll even wear the same sizes! You'll tell me everything I want to hear, and I'll do the same for you. Whenever I need someone you'll always be there. You won't let me make stupid decisions, and you'll tell me when I'm being naive. We'll have everything about life and love on lock and key. Oh, how amazing, great friends we'll be.

Unfortunately future, new, perfect, unrealistic friend of mine, I still have yet to meet you and trust me, this makes me so unbelievably glum. I can't wait for the day we finally meet, but I don't know when that day will come!

I suppose I'll just have to settle for my real friends until then...
And by real friends, I of course mean Ben and Jerry.

With up most respect and an abundance of love,
Kait (your future closest friend)

Reflecting on 2009

Seeing as the year is soon coming to an end, now would be the perfect time to reflect on 2009. As every individual day goes by it seems like very little is changing, but when you look back on an entire year, you realize just how much has actually changed. You realize that not all of the people who were there at the beginning are there at the end. That your birthday was just another day. Some days were hard and some far too easy.

You realize your Valentine's day was ideal among many others; Your anniversary. You realize you've mended old friendships without even meaning to, and made new friends as well. You've had a lot of fun. You've become a lot more independent. Traveled alone and tried new things. You've worked hard, you've played hard.

You realize you've had an amazing year, but you also realize you've made mistakes. You've tried being supportive and ended up being selfish. Done and said things you wish you could take back. You've been careless, but you've been happy. Ignorance is bliss, but reality was sure to come back and slap you in the face. You've thought summer went by too quickly, only to look back and realize it was a lot longer than you think. You've struggled, but you've made it through yet again. You've tried so hard to make it a good one; a year to remember... it may have ended up being one of the worst yet.

But you've learned. Oh, have you learned. You've learned that arguments aren't worth it, fighting is a waste of time. Honesty really is the best policy. You've learned that family is forever and you don't need a handful of best friends; one or two is enough. It's not "Goodbye," it's "See you later." Long distance relationships are possible. You've learned to appreciate a significant other far more than you ever thought you could. That "soon" could mean an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even two. You've learned that not everything is about you. You've learned to let go, and you've seen people come back. You've learned that time goes by a lot faster than you've ever realized, and it won't be long<3

What has 2009 left with you?